Low Emotional Intelligence

Do you know someone who can’t control their feelings or understand how others feel? In most cases, they will say or do the wrong thing in difficult situations. Perhaps, they are constantly judging others but can’t take criticism themselves. If this sounds like someone you know, there’s a good chance that person has low emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence also called emotional quotient (EQ), is like general intelligence in that it varies from person to person. Meanwhile, people with low emotional intelligence may find it hard to maintain relationships because they lack social skills or can’t understand how others feel. Further, this article will discuss low emotional intelligence, its signs, examples, causes, how to deal with someone with low emotional intelligence, and the four skills to increase emotional intelligence.

Low Emotional Intelligence

Low emotional intelligence is the inability to understand your own and other people’s emotions and use that knowledge to guide your thoughts and actions. Some people may have trouble with emotional intelligence because they can’t figure out what they’re feeling, can’t understand how others are feeling, or can’t express and meet their emotional needs. These habits could indeed make relationships difficult. But having less emotional intelligence doesn’t make you a bad person. Obviously, You can work to strengthen this emotional intelligence, and knowing the signs and causes is a good step to take.

Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence

Individuals with low emotional intelligence struggle with emotion management; they lack empathy and are unable to understand the feelings of others. Moreover, here are the signs of low emotional intelligence:

#1. Low Self-Awareness: Highly Opinionated

Signs that show low emotional intelligence include constantly arguing that they are right. Also, they always get into fights with other people. They do not want to hear what others have to say. For instance, in business settings, employees with low emotional intelligence will always argue that they are right where they are wrong. They will argue a point for hours without admitting fault. They also blame others for their shortcomings. Since they don’t know what they’re doing wrong, employees can repeat mistakes repeatedly. But, when things go well, they are often quick to take credit.

This happens because they have trouble showing or understanding how others feel. Therefore, they tend to dwell on their mistakes, which makes it hard for them to learn from them and move on.

#2. Lack of Empathy: Insensitive

People with low emotional intelligence can’t tell the difference between good and bad behavior. They usually say the wrong things at the wrong times. For instance, when a friend is sad about the death of a loved one, they might say something rude or make a joke, and if you bring up their bad behavior, they get angry. Since they don’t understand other people’s emotions well, they likely can’t figure out how they feel.

#3. Lack of Accountability: Blaming Others

Signs of low emotional intelligence show that people with low emotional intelligence frequently cause problems because they have difficulty comprehending others’ situations and always want to be right. They don’t want to be held responsible for the problems they cause. If something goes wrong, they’ll point the finger at someone. To defend themselves, they would tell the people around them that they didn’t understand. For example, you were asked to make dinner but burned the main dish. In your defense, instead of being accountable for your mistake, you say this isn’t your fault. The person who asked you to make dinner is to blame. Because that person cooks better than you, and you’re just a beginner in the kitchen.

#4. Poor Coping Skills: Low Motivation

People who aren’t aware of their feelings find it hard to deal with emotional situations. They would do everything they could to avoid getting upset. Because of this, they are more likely to keep their feelings to themselves and carry this weight for as long as they can.

#5. Low Self-Regulation: Unpredictable Emotional Explosions

People with low emotional intelligence have exhibited signs of having trouble managing, comprehending, and expressing their emotions. They would behave poorly because they are frustrated and unable to communicate themselves, have constant outbursts of emotion that they cannot control, and are easily irritated by trivial matters, which can result in hours of anger and temper tantrums.

#6. Poor Social Skills: Relationship Problems

People who don’t know how to handle their emotions well don’t have many friends. Sometimes they don’t have any friends at all. This is because they are unable to share emotional connections with other people. In any relationship, it’s essential to understand and support each other emotionally. People with low emotional intelligence find it hard to understand these critical parts of any relationship.

#7. Self-Centeredness: Narcissistic Tendencies

People who don’t have much emotional intelligence always want to be the center of attention. They are easy to find because they talk the most and always turn the conversation back to themselves. They portray to be better than everyone else, and Their accomplishments are greater than yours. If you are an accomplished athlete, a person with low EQ will drop hints that they are better because they are triathletes.

Examples of Low Emotional Intelligence

Low emotional intelligence manifests in everyday behavior in a variety of ways. If you see most of the following behaviors in someone, it’s a good indication that they lack emotional intelligence. Here are some examples of low emotional intelligence.

  • Experience difficulty talking about feelings
  • Frequent outbursts of anger
  • does not accept criticism
  • unable to express their  feeling
  • Engaging in inappropriate social behaviors
  • Not being able to “read the room” and pick up on other people’s moods
  • Problems moving on from failures and setbacks

What Causes Low Emotional Intelligence

In this aspect, we’ll look at the most common reasons people have low emotional intelligence. A medical condition like alexithymia or autism could cause a person to have low emotional intelligence. A mental illness or a drug addiction can also cause it. However, I will like to explain what causes low emotional intelligence in otherwise healthy and ordinary people.

#1. Lacking Knowledge About Emotions

Most people are not taught about emotions. Our society and educational systems put a lot more emphasis on developing students’ intelligence quotients (IQs) or academic intelligence. People find it hard to talk about and understand their feelings. They can’t even name or say what causes them, much less deal with them.

#2. Low Intrapersonal Intelligence

Intrapersonal intelligence is the ability to understand yourself. People with high intrapersonal intelligence are usually in touch with their thoughts and feelings. High intrapersonal intelligence naturally leads to increased emotional intelligence. To truly understand another person, you must first understand yourself. At a fundamental level, all people are the same. They both have the same worries, fears, hopes, and dreams.

#3. Lack of Practice

It’s not enough to understand how people feel. Once you recognize what makes you and other people think differently, you need to work on your emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence can be improved like any other skill by practicing and getting feedback. Suppose your behavior is socially improper, coupled with People report that your behavior is causing them discomfort. If they have a high level of emotional intelligence, they will tell you exactly how they feel. Obviously, this is constructive criticism for you. and It helps you recognize your mistakes by placing yourself in their shoes. additionally, You make a mental note to stop repeating this behavior. Over time, your emotional intelligence will increase due to such insignificant factors.


If you were raised in a household where discussing feelings was discouraged or punished, you are likely to have low emotional intelligence. Children typically imitate their parents. If parents handle their emotions poorly, their children will also do so.

Many parents underfund their children’s emotional development. They frequently inquire about their children’s academics but rarely inquire about their emotions. As a result, individuals grow up in an environment where they believe it is dangerous to discuss their feelings. If they have a high level of emotional intelligence, they will tell you exactly how they feel. They are left alone to deal with their feelings. Similar to their parents, they have little or no emotional intelligence.

#5. Selfishness

People are selfish by nature. Children are the most self-centered, but as they get older, they learn that other people also have their thoughts. They know that other people have their thoughts and feelings. This makes them more likely to care about other people. As they get to know more and more people, their ability to understand them usually gets better. Even so, returning to being our old, selfish selves is easy. People with low emotional intelligence don’t care about what others want or how they feel. They only care about themselves and want to win.

How to Deal With Someone with Low Emotional Intelligence

Here are some tips on how to deal with people who have low emotional intelligence:

#1. Listen, Really Listen

Use your ability to understand other people’s feelings to pay close attention to what they say. This is a great way to deal with people with low EQ because they often don’t say how they feel because they don’t want to be misunderstood. Also, remember that this behavior doesn’t come from the wrong place. Besides, thinkers can sometimes be completely unaware of what you’re going through. Most time, all it takes to get them to talk is to listen. So, instead of interrupting them when they’re telling a long story, show that you’re listening by being kind and showing that you care. Moreover, if you indicate that you’re paying attention and don’t judge, you’ll leave the conversation feeling good about yourself and making the other person feel good about themselves. indeed, it’s a win-win situation!

#2. Choose Logic Over Emotion (And Get Straight to the Point)

This is hard for people who lead with their “feeling” function, but choosing logic over emotion can stop a lot of confusion. Thinkers may appear cold and indifferent to feelers, but remember that they are highly intellectual and analytical. That’s how they deal with questions and problems: quickly and smartly. So, if you have a friend, family member, or loved one who is like this, save time waiting for them to pick up on the emotional cues and subtleties in a conversation because they won’t. You might think your body language and voice say everything, but it’s hard for someone with a lower EQ to understand that.

How do you deal with it? Meet them in the middle by being as clear and straightforward as possible. Thinkers are more likely to understand you and connect with what you’re trying to say if you use words instead of feelings.

#3. If Things Get Heated, Redirect the Conversation Back to the Topic

Low-EQ individuals may blame others and play the victim in heated fights. Eventually, they may focus on a specific part of the talk and hammer home the facts. It’s sometimes unintentional. It often comes from fear of judgment and rejection or past trauma. Low-EQ persons often blame others because they can’t see how their actions cause problems. Feelers struggle to detach from conflict. Furthermore, as someone with greater EQ, you should direct the conversation to the issue. Like, what was your original conversation? What’s your simple message? If the person in front of you feels like a victim, you should focus on the facts. clearly, this prevents emotional outbursts and maintains the dialogue.

#4. The Bottom Line: It All Comes Down to Collaboration

As a mature feeler or thinker with high EQ, you don’t have to change to communicate with a thinking-only leader. Empathy and flexibility help people connect. Obviously, the more you are willing to listen to and understand another person’s point of view, the more you show them that they can trust you to talk about their feelings and be vulnerable. Most times, this can speak volumes to someone who suppresses their emotions for fear of judgment or misinterpretation. Also, as a person who naturally cares for others, you can demonstrate that you understand their language and can adapt to their communication style. This helps people with low EQ understand emotions. It might require you to be more realistic and honest than usual, but it can strengthen your relationship.

What Are the Four Skills to Increase Emotional Intelligence?

To increase your emotional intelligence, you must understand each part. Here’s a closer look at the four skills that will help you increase your EQ:

#1. Self-Awareness

This entails awareness of your emotions and how they influence your ideas and conduct. without a doubt, it means You are sure of yourself and knows what your strengths and weaknesses are.

#2. Self-Management

This entails regulating impulsive feelings and behaviors, managing your emotions positively, taking the initiative, keeping agreements, and adapting to changing situations. 

#3. Social Awareness

also, care about other people and understand how they feel, what they want, and what worries them. Apart from this, you can also pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable in social situations, and see how power works in a group or organization.

#4. Relationship Management

above all, you should know how to build and keep good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and persuade others, work well in a team, and handle conflicts.

How to Deal With Someone Who Has Low Emotional Intelligence?

  • Listen, and really listen.
  • Choose facts over feelings (and get to the point)…
  • Don’t take everything so personally….
  • If the conversation gets heated, redirect it back to the subject.
  • In the end, it all comes down to working together.

Can You Fix Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is a collection of skills and ways of acting. Even though some people are naturally better at certain things, EI can be taught, improved, and grown.

What Are the 7 Signs of Emotional Intelligence?

  • Getting along with others and showing interest in them.
  • self-awareness of one’s own strengths and weaknesses.
  • operating with integrity.
  • Self-awareness of feelings, being in the moment.
  • Being focused.
  • Well-Settled Boundaries.
  • Self-Motivated.

Can You Increase Emotional Intelligence?

You can take steps to increase your emotional awareness and become more competent at recognizing the emotions of both yourself and others. Developing emotional intelligence can aid in fostering deeper relationships and friendships.

How Do You Know if Someone Is Emotionally Unavailable?

A person who is emotionally unavailable is reluctant to discuss or revealing their emotions. They can be elusive, confusing, or difficult to understand. They are afraid of intimacy.

What Are 5 Signs of Someone That Is Emotionally Intelligent?”

  • They welcome change.
  • They have a strong awareness of themselves.
  • They exhibit empathy towards others.
  • Their lifestyles are balanced.
  • They are eager and ready to learn.
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